A letter to myself:
"Open your eyes. see for yourself, as the laws of cause and effect hold together the universe, so to do they hold together people. You've let jealousy cloud your vision, and fill the space that might have otherwise been filled with self improvement and the forward momentum of your life. You looked at things, seeing what you wanted to, and missing what you didn't want to see.
You took the easy route, blaming others, and not looking at what could be your fault. With that state of mind, you can easily get away without needing to blame yourself, or even bat an eye at what you should or shouldn't have done. But, this thought pattern won't serve you well in life. You wonder why A goes before B, and not right before C, well, it's simple. A and B are simply closer, and willing to do more for each other, to be there in a pinch, to talk them out of funks, or share bonding with. As C, this is something you haven't learned, and instead, look at B and wonder why that can't be you. "Why can't I have the benefits that B has become accustomed to?" Because you only want the good benefits, and don't want to take the bad along with it.
Instead, you just shut it away, B is more charismatic, B is a different letter, B is just luckier. Not looking at the full picture, that maybe you are not able or willing to take the same steps to get to the same place as B. And no, you will never be B, but, like B, you could enjoy the company of D if you put your mind to it. Stop staying in your comfort zone, take chances, and be willing to do things you'd rather not, for others.
You are so good at coming up with personal excuses, of why you shouldn't or can't do something. Maybe sometimes they are true, maybe not. But you shouldn't let these excuses run your life as much as they do, put yourself out there and do things before you have an excuse to not do them. Sure you'll make mistakes, but isn't that life? Everyone makes mistakes, it's unavoidable, even when it comes to hurting others.
And yes, I know, I know you hate hurting others, that you would rather suffer yourself before hurting another, and it's probably one of the reasons you can't find a new girlfriend, or make any deep connections. You're just too afraid of hurting others. Now, I understand why you feel that way, you love people, you love your friends, and you would do anything for them. But you have think about yourself once in a while. Don't stop at the crosswalk, and wait for the world to pass, if it means missing your meeting, it's fine to let people cross, but you are a person too, and just like them, you also have a destination. Don't forget that."
