Okay, hold on 'me.'

So, here I am wondering how well I did at something. Before I had done that something, I was stressing to the point of... Well.... I was just stressing a lot.

So now that it's over, I felt like it went pretty well.

I was really worried about, in the situation, starting a fight, being really stuck up, feeling depressed in the corner, being mean, ect.

Now, I finally ask someone, and I found out that while, no, I didn't do any of those really.. I unintentionally wasn't very nice to someone.

The road splits here.

I feel like I should be good about, while not being perfect, having tried my best, and knowing that I couldn't have done any better.

But on the other side, I feel like I shouldn't be able to have those feelings when it's another person's mind/mood/feelings we are talking about.

And without even taking the time to decide I feel that my insides are starting the wheels turning that will lead me to the other side.

When this happens, I start to feel like "Well, do you really have the RIGHT to think that you could walk away and not feel guilty? Do you think it's fair?"

And while I can make points about how "It was unintentional. If I had known, I wouldn't have acted that way. I did my best, and it's over with now, in the future, I can know what to do differently." But these fall on deaf internal ears, as internal faces just sigh, and look down, and face away.

I don't know what to feel.

Common-sense is kicking back in.

I dunno, I feel like I am going back to 'normal'.

I don't know if 'Normal' means I have lower expectations and don't stress about important things, but it's nice to not be stressing/worrying all of the time.

I hope things can improve, heck, I know they can. While I am not feeling as down, I still recognize the situation I am in. I just feel like maybe now, I can actually make a difference to it.

Wish me luck.

Not to waste another post about music...

But Coraline also has an amazing soundtrack, I love it. )

What makes me special...

How come it is so hard for me to create an identity for myself? I swear, I just can't do it.

I feel like all my friends stand out in some way or another, how we talk about them when they are not around, fondly, about times we shared with them, or about little personality traits that make us smile, or laugh. I don't think people really talk about me in the same way in my absence.... Or maybe they get a laugh when the mention bad puns, but pleh, is that all I am to be remembered by?

I hope not.

Why is it so difficult for me to look people in the eyes?

I seriously feel like I am 6 again and if someone looks in my eyes for long enough I'll melt.

Or something.

It's really hard to keep eye contact with anyone lately. Like months now's 'lately'. It's weird, I feel... shy.. Like, embarrassed or something. I don't understand it though. I don't feel I have anything to be embarrassed over....

It's not personal, okay? I really want to look into your eyes, but my brain is fighting against me.

UbiSoft's DRM sucks

http://www.gossipgamers.com/ubisoft-drm-servers-go-down/

Though besides saying that, I agree with Penny Arcade on the subject:

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2010/2/19/

Tim Burton's Alice

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/10009599-alice_in_wonderland/

Ah, oh well. That's about what I thought it was going to be.

It's a shame, but at least I wasn't over excited for it. :/

Now, Maybe I should go play some American McGee's Alice. :P